


Of ringing ears and blurry memories

by mrsbutterfleyes



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: And at summaries, Angst, Canonical Character Death, I'm Bad At Tagging, Nico deserves happiness, Sad Nico di Angelo, honestly i dont know why im writing this, i swear it's readable, pure angst, there is no solangelo here nico is a kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:48:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26793892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsbutterfleyes/pseuds/mrsbutterfleyes
Summary: Nico hadn’t thought about his mother for what seems like a lifetime. It wasn’t hard; he could hardly remember her in the first place. But when he felt the strangely familiar buzzing in his ear, Nico knew what was up. Nico knew exactly what was happening.or:on Nico's page it's written that whenever someone close to Nico dies it comes as a ringing in his ears. @/demigodtherapy (ily Elli) on twitter wrote a similar thing but what would be Nico's reaction to Jason's death. So here's my version but with Maria and Bianca's death.
Kudos: 11





	Of ringing ears and blurry memories

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is the first thing i've ever published, it might not make sense at all or be very bad, i apologise in advance. I still hope you like it :)  
> Also, english is not my first language so there might be a lot of mistakes and i'm really sorry for it!

Nico di Angelo did not remember his mother. As much as he wished to, as much as he tried to, he couldn’t. 

When he talked to Chiron about it, the Centaur told him it was because his father erased his memory. But really, Nico knew the truth. Memory loss or not, he was far too young when his mother had died. He wouldn’t remember her no matter what. The only memories he had about her were most certainly made up. A smell, a singing voice, the feeling of velvet gloves around his body. Whether they were fake or not, Nico liked to cling to these memories. It felt like home.

What he did remember, though, was the moment he felt her gone. He was young. Nine, going on ten. Everything has been so new these times. They’d move from their home in Italy to Washington D.C. There was a hotel. And mama. Papa was here too. He was never here. Always out for work. Nico missed his papa. He remembers playing with Bianca. Nico felt happy. And then nothing but loud ringing in his ears, unbearable pain in his chest, shaking legs and the strong need to pass out. And then nothing again.  
He didn’t quite understand what happen but he did get one thing: his mama was gone and would never come back. 

Times after this event felt numb, blurry, almost like a fog trying to replace his memories. He remembers times at the casino. He made some friends there. Like that one boy, Emmett. He had a funny way of speaking and a funny way of dressing but he was cool. Always wearing heels and baggy clothes. He must have been no more than 18. He always talked about a group of music that Nico never heard of. Why would a group of music ever call themselves after stones rolling, he would never know. Emmett and Nico met Max a few weeks later. Or has it been years? Max was even stranger than Em was. He was always speaking with a strong British accent, using words Nico never even thought could exists. He was wearing a lot of jewelry on his body, using safety pins as earrings, his body covered with different permanent drawings. Max would proudly tell Nico how he’d done the snake one himself with just a basic needle and ink. Nico had been fascinated. 

Bianca wasn’t too happy about Nico’s frequentations. But Max and Em showed him a card game called 'Mythomagic' and sometimes they’d even agree to play pirates with Nico. So really, Nico couldn’t care less about her sister’s opinion on his new friends. Nico liked to think of them as his big brothers. Having a big sister was awesome but having big brothers was better.  
Not that it mattered though. Because a bit after that, Nico and Bianca had to leave again. They went to school. It had been decades since Nico hadn’t been to school. But he managed to do okay. Again, the memories were fuzzy, not completely decipherable. 

The memories became clearer and clearer after the whole Percy thing. Nico was still confused. A lot. But the thought of being the actual child of a Greek God was too entertaining to dwell on his confusion.  
Then Bianca left. 

He didn’t remember a lot about Camp Half-Blood. Nice people, a centaur, the Hunters, the sadness washing over him, swords, weird but friendly creatures. Nico didn’t know how to feel about this camp. He was torn apart between too many emotions. Curiosity, delight, anxiety, agitation, relief, abandon. The few times he spent at Camp Half-Blood he was either in his element, talking, laughing, teaching other kids his age Mythomagic, learning how to sword-fight, eyes wide, a content grin plastered on his face or he was glooming, thinking about Bianca, alone, across the country, on some quest to rescue someone she didn’t even know. Nico was angry. He was angry at Percy and even the Hunters for letting his sister, his only family, go on a trip that she most likely wouldn’t come back. But mostly, Nico was angry at himself. Why would Bianca leave? She loved him, he knew that. So why? Was he too much? Or not enough? Maybe he should have listen to her and stop hanging out with Em and Max. Did he not pay enough attention to her? Was he a terrible brother? 

Nico knew he was being dramatic. Bianca left because immortality is cool. And if he’s had the choice, he would have become a Hunter too. Maybe he could try and talk some sense into Artemis and the Goddess could make him be the exception. 

Then it happened. Nico hadn’t thought about his mother for what seems like a lifetime. It wasn’t hard; he could hardly remember her in the first place. But when he was hanging out with a group of camper his age, playing Mythomagic and he felt a strange buzzing in his ear, Nico knew what was up. Nico knew exactly what was happening.

The ringing got louder and louder, the pain in his chest was burning through him, his knees gave up on him, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t focus on what was going on. He shot his hands to his ears, trying to make the ringing stop. But it just made the atrocious sound louder. The pain in his chest was so important Nico only wanted one thing; pass out. And pass out he did. 

Nico didn’t know how much time he spent out. The only thing he knew was the hollowness in his chest wouldn’t go away. He felt empty. As if a part of his own soul left.  
He didn’t cry right away. He couldn’t muster enough strength to cry. Crying would make it even more real. And it already real enough. Maybe, just maybe, it was all a dream. Percy would come back with his sister and everything would be fine. 

Nico didn’t say a word until they came back. Without Bianca. And Nico was angry. He knew he shouldn’t have taken all his anger on Percy. But he promised. Deep down, Nico knew the real person he was angry at was himself. He was a terrible brother after all. What kind of brother let their sister go on a deadly road trip? Bianca joined the Hunters of Artemis to have her freedom, to be herself, to be away from Nico. And at what costs? Bianca was dead and Nico wasn’t. 

So he left Camp Half-Blood, the constant buzzing still ringing in his ears. 

When mama left, the feeling was similar but still quite different. This time, it hurt a lot more. This time, Nico felt like a part of him was dead along with his sister.

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah,,,  
> i hate the end with a burning passion but i had no idea how to end it oops  
> comments are really helpful :)


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